Category: Diary of a Bodhisattva

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Dear Diary;Transcend the Traps of the Mind

Julia Chi Taylor

Thursday morning

Running on ouchie ground – one of the most profound meditations…!

Worth a try 🙂

It lends itself to being here and now

In the step

Feeling the ground beneath the soles, relaxing, breathing – being – as the prickly ground ignites sensations in the foot and all through the body

Now.

Good Friday afternoon

The atmosphere quiet and still – the street empty save for a few passers by; a family out for a bike ride, a couple wandering along, laughing – holding hands.

I sat in the sun on the step – the rays hot on my face – a little sun trap – only this morning Anadi and I had run in a day that felt icy cold… Into a bitter freezing wind, across the expanse of Hyde park green green grassiness. My feet are getting used to springs’ celebration with its mercurial magic make up!

Warm one minute, not the next!

No thought is possible; when we stay with the vertical line of presence and experience it fully

No horizontal thinking 

No past rumination or clinging on, or future fear – we can transcend the traps of the mind

Instead enjoying each step on the green grass, the smooth path turning to ouchie, the wide swathe of sand that sweeps through Hyde Park.

Feeling the earth beneath my feet.

A parakeet swoops in front of the magnolia bursting forth standing tall above the stream streaming and sparkling, which turns into a little waterfall.

Appreciating this beautiful park, which Henry  V111 acquired from the monks of Westminster Abbey in 1536, he and his court were often seen on horseback, galloping in the hunt for deer

They’re still galloping now

And so back home

Along the Kings Road

I left Anadi at Jubilee place to run back to his new flat and I carried on alone…

Running around without shoes on creates quite a sensation…

I passed a young boy – about eleven years… ’WOW’ he exclaimed, and then ‘Mum mum look…’

A young child asked loudly ‘Daddy – why isn’t that lady wearing shoes..?

I wondered what answer they received…

As I ran on

Some people look down at my feet like they are two little wild animals that have escaped…As if I ( above my feet) don’t exist… But sometimes they stop me, to ask what it’s like… ‘Aren’t your feet cold’? One man enquired this morning…

No, no, I laughed…

And on I ran.

In the joy of pure presence, that each step brings

Knowing that when we stay fully in the step the next will take care of itself

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Dear Diary; Miracles Occur from this Place

‘Everything changes but God changes not’

I grew up with these words an integral part of my being…

I loved this hymn, we sang it often when I was at my junior school in morning assembly.

The words had a profound effect on me even as a young child… I was already aware of our unchanging nature which is always there – witnessing, watching…

Being

And as the years unfolded I learnt that when we experience the silence, the stillness within us and are able create the gap between the chatter of our mind and the concerns in our body – then we fully feel the flow of creation 

And know that everything is possible.

That we are eternal, there is no death… That we were never born and we can never die, and that we are here to experience the flow of life.

The source energy from whence we came is flowing always, the flow of life of which we all are a part of.

The hub of the wheel…

Us the spokes.

Sometimes we forget that we are all the hub and that we have created universes from that well spring and that we are the universes that we have created…

And so everything is possible.

We haven’t even approached tapping into the limitlessness of our potential, our energy that has the power of ten thousand suns…

Anadi and I were running about in the park this morning talking of these things. The magic of life. The power of fun, of joy of vitality.

It is all too easy to get consumed by the projections out into the world of despair and pain.

But when we have any awareness at all that everything is a reflection of us

So within – so without

Then all we must do is access the fun within the moments, and clear any pain that arises without attaching a narrative to it.

We feel to heal, as the emotions arise, we can clear clear clear – and resist the urge to loop the loop with our old stories – our old programmes and patterns; familiar but often without possibility 

So often we are pulled back into an abyss of fear and despair – just through reading a paper – or turning on the television…

If we do choose to read the news, it’s important to read it with a light touch

Believing nothing.

To your own self be true.

Watch your own inner barometer – when it strays away from the joy of the moment

This perfect shimmering moment, where all is well…

Then the process is simply to access again the barometer of fun, of the joy we feel in seeing the crocuses and snowdrops in the park, the magnolia bursting forth

The squirrels running

The green grass wet with delightful drops of dew

The sky blue.

A goose wandered leisurely across my path and I loved that goose, so perfect in every way.

For change in the world, for societal change we need a change in consciousness

to feel the joy, the love

To feel the fun

To connect to the vital life force within

Miracles occur from this place

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Dear Diary; ‘I wish I’d lived True to Myself…’

Sunny spring day, warm too – a day full of vitality and possibility, a joyous spring day.

It knows nothing of distress or despair, depression or fear this day…

It just is, existence.

I lay on my back on a bench in the park… I was doing some crunches as part of the rather exacting circuit that Anadi and I have started to practise again on a Monday!

‘This is quite tough’ I had panted as we were half way through it… ‘Who set it?’ Anadi laughed…

But for a moment I was just lying on my back – I watched the little pink flowers on the tree above me…

Pink and lacy, fragile and bursting with life

Existence

We are it, we are part of everything – our unique vibration a part of everything -an integral part of everything – without us the world is incomplete, without our true expression, the world misses out.

When we know this we can be still, be at ease and be at home wherever we are.

Knowing that there is no need to stress or worry

Instead, we are here to just be, here and now.

A Labrador came trotting into the park, head held high, its gait strong and springy… A woman followed – a baby on the way, not long til it’s here…

‘He’s got a new friend coming soon’ I said as Anadi and I watched the dog enjoying the morning, the moment, as it investigated the park it knows so well, but every smell, everything new today…

She took out her phone and her dog stopped in front of her while she took his photo…

‘He posed for his photo’ I laughed.

School children started to amble through the park – some altercation happened between a teacher – who had appeared at the gate – with some of the young students, and then they were gone and the park was empty again.

The firm mud under my feet cool and delightful as the rope sped under me… My skipping seemed to have done a jump in improvement… 

Anadi and I laughed as we played together in the early spring sun .

On Sunday ( the day before) we ran about on the grass and in the woods in Richmond Park, Anadi took his Xero shoes off (sandals for barefoot running) and we both ran about with feet naked.

More playing.

We stopped to watch a small gang of male deer playing too; butting one another; running about; rolling in the mud…

How will they ever get clean? I queried…!

Life is a play, so why not play?

Have fun

Do what you truly want

The top death bed regret is this

‘I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me’.

Be yourself 

Or the world misses out

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Dear Diary; Where are your shoes?

I stood in the cafe as I always have done, ever since 2011 – chatting to Armando – while he made me a smoothie and warmed my croissant…

Ten years have passed and the experience remains rich with connection and delight in seeing one another…

His drinks taste better than other drinks because of the love he puts into them.

His food more delicious.

I love going to see Armando in his cafe.

But whirling magic has happened… ‘When we are open you can sit there with your clients – in “your office” – as you always have… And you can give talks there too’ he continued, pointing to a room off the main cafe serving area that we were both standing in.

The flashing lights of magic grow brighter as we both find that we are having our conversation in a cafe in London…

For many years, I walked for about half a mile or so to Urban Ground cafe in Bolton road in Eastbourne from my flat near the sea…

Today I walked about half a mile from my flat near the river, to Chelsea Gardner Cafe to see Armando – we have been ‘beamed’ to someone new…

Now instead of the sound of the seagulls squawking as they swoop and fly high on the whirling wind, we hear the purr of Ferraris and Lamborghinis as they cruise by on the Kings road…

We discover that we both ‘landed in London’ in September 2019 – and here we are.

The magical threads of energy that weave and twist this awesome tapestry of life have seen our paths crissing and crossing back and forth. 

I am already looking forward to giving a talk there – in real life – with people all about, eating and drinking and hugging and sharing.

I wonder what talk I will give?

Maybe I will launch another book there too – as I did in Urban Ground once

And we will sit together again, my clients and me who like my ‘coffee shop’ offices…

And Armando will be there as he has always been.

As I wandered back down the Kings Road with my feast for lunch to eat in the Park, three builders stopped me ‘Where are your shoes..?’

We talked for awhile and laughed a lot too! And I described the joy and fun of wandering about without shoes on…

‘Living as you want to live’ one said ‘Thats good’

‘Feel the earth ‘ another said

‘Doing what feels good’ the third added….

And on I went with a smile on my face.

Love and let live…

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Dear Diary; Becoming Running Barefoot

My feet asked to be naked again, and so of course I listened to their plea!

Through the winter months they were happily snug in vibram five fingers, but then the soul yearning began, to feel the earth beneath their soles – the pavements too; ouchie paths in the park – and the green grass – frosty grass, muddy grass.

There appears to be no reason for it, except for the joy, the fun, the freedom…

As Anadi and I made our way through Battersea Power Station on Sunday morning we started to overtake a small group of people…

‘Oooh aren’t your feet cold’ one of the men enquired and then continued ‘I’ve never seen anyone running in bare feet’… 

Anadi and I stopped running to chat; we wandered along with them for a while… 

‘She ran from the North to the South of Spain without any shoes’ Anadi said… 

‘And there was snow in the North of Spain in March!’ I laughed…

‘Of course it wouldn’t be odd In Africa – They don’t where shoes at all’ – the man mused, ‘I know, I was born there’, I replied – ‘Where ‘ he asked ‘West Africa’…

‘I lived there too’ he said 

‘It’s where it all began’ I replied….’I just love it – there’s no reason…’

When we do things for no reason at all, we are brought more immediately to the present moment, to the experience – walking bare foot lends itself to staying in each step… Being aware of each footfall. Noticing, feeling, touching being where my feet are.

The body can only be in the present moment.

The mind can skitter and scatter back and forth, a forgotten past, held onto, searched for, held and often relived again and again… A future point dreamed of or dreaded, by the mind… a persona created by an identification with thoughts…

But the body, is here and now. It can’t be anywhere else.

And so breathing in, we are here, now, experiencing the joy and vitality and the possibilities in this moment – and our feet as they touch the ground, there is only one step they can ever be in before they take another and another to arrive wherever they might be going

No where.

All our steps lead us nowhere at all, and everywhere – inwards to experience our true nature – and outwards in the experience of our unique energy with its powerful potential to shine bright and clear – often obstructed by the tensions and fears of the very thoughts themselves; or an attachment to an outcome that might never arrive, or give us what we hoped for once we have it in our grasp.

Journeying to a destination, a goal a new vision can be such fun, especially when we stay were we are, right here in the present moment.

Because everything goes in the end; except for our unchanging nature that was never born and will never die.

So the transitory things of life, are best enjoyed now, in this very moment.

Like walking in the park, every step precious; or stretching for excellence – for the pinnacle of success in our chosen field; here and now it is perfect – as we journey.

I met a musician once at Heathrow airport – about 15 years ago –  I was returning from the grand cayman and our luggage was lost – somewhere – I met the musician and a young woman at the luggage belt.

We waited together for three hours and became friends in that time, who have never seen one another again…

He had played as a professional musician all his life… He talked about how each event he practised for was a lifetime in itself… Each note he played, each day he practised, each concert he performed at was his favourite; was his whole life and then it was gone.

I recognised he was living what I knew to be true.

Each precious moment a note to be played, a step to be trodden, a breath to be taken.

Leading nowhere – and everywhere

And so I have taken my shoes off again and I am letting the steps take me where they will; becoming running, in the barefoot steps of freedom and fun… 

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Dear Diary; Weeping Willow

I loved drawing and painting as a child, as many of us did… My friend Wends and I would plan ‘painting days’ during the holidays

I loved creating for my O level art and A level too…

On leaving school I worked for my running coach in the health and fitness business… I was on the verge of becoming an international athlete and so working for him seemed a way to support this journey…

I painted murals all over the walls of his gym

Athletes in motion from all different sports.

We moved a new property

It was huge!

Vast expanse of white walls my new canvasses –  more figures appeared, leaping jumping running throwing  – Lifesize – I loved creating these figures…

And then came my last piece.

A willow tree

It covered a whole wall in the relaxation area of the centre.

I cried all day one day, as I painted this willow, weeping with me.

My heart had broken, and as I cried and painted I promised myself that never ever ever would I let this happen to me ever again… Never again ‘would someone do this to me…’

It took me many years to heal the hurt within and open from the inside out

To stop looking outside for the healing or for more hurting.

I knew the inner journey was the route

But I still had to journey the journey in the so called outer realms and discover the long way round…

I had to live and learn through my own experiences, my own mistakes, my own life 

The cry the tears that lead to healing the hurt…

Another thing happened that day, when I finished weeping and the willow was etched on the wall – I stopped doing any art.

And I never ever started again.

Until now.

Whenever I work with on the phone ( rather than a video call)  I have always doodled… Recently the doodles have become more and more colourful and expansive.

I showed my client what had emerged during our conversation… ‘Why don’t you do those in a book’? She suggested

And so now I have my art book ! 

Full of colourful abstract pictures – it looks a little bit like my O level art…

But now, there is no reason at all, other than the joy of expression, the vitality of life  

Creativity

Us in motion

On the canvass of life

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Dear Diary; Part of History

My sister Rosy was having a clear out

She got stopped in her tracks by a photo album of us when we were little

She sent me photos of the two of us with our mother and father – a couple of us out walking on the Jurassic coast near Golden Cap, one of us feeding the pigeons at Trafalgar Square… Me as a baby, sitting between my parents on the beach in Freetown West Africa where I was born.

Images of who we once were

Another life

So many lives lived even in one lifetime

A day later Anadi and I were on one of our Sunday adventures and I suggested a different route to usual… We were in St James park… ‘Let’s go along to the embankment’

Suddenly we found ourselves in Birdcage Walk right outside ‘The Institution of Civil Engineers”

‘Oh Wow’! I exclaimed…’This is where Daddy worked! He was the director of training and Education – he used to sometimes bring us here when we were little…’

I haven’t been to that  building for years and years and years – and then just ‘by chance’ I brought Anadi and I here on our run about, the day after I’d been looking at photos of that era…

The energetic play out of life is magical… No coincidences; energy vibrating and resonating and playing out on our own stage 

Bringing old photos to life

And so we ran on to Trafalgar Square too; where Rosy and I fed the pigeons

It never happened

Now 

And it’s all happening 

Now

And if we close eyes it all disappears and there is no thing at all

Just the Silence 

The stillness

Deep within our Being 

The eternal unchanging aspect, always there, even as the scenes of life come and go

The people are born and then die

The photos become faded and yellow – in the end no one at all will know who the two little girls with the pigeons all about them are or were…

All gone

I showed the pigeon photo to my young twenty something client  – I had just received them when she arrived for a session

‘Oh wow, black and white’ she commented…

‘Yes, I’m part of history’ I laughed…

Part of an era that is no more

I don’t exist then, any more

Now

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Dear Diary; Our Unchanging Nature

I love cleaning my flat

I love the ritual

I love the way it looks afterwards ( not that much different really!)

But it has a spick and span feel

A happy flat feel

It’s a quiet time

An on my own time

A simple time, easy rhythms

A cleaning meditation.

As I write I am reminded of Andrés… In another life, ‘this time last year’ – I had an office in Piccadilly.

I used to run to and from work… Having trodden the world as a nomad for six years with all I could carry in a rucksack on my back – on landing in London, I soon realised that a daily commute on the tube would be ‘vexatious to my spirit’ – and so I took to the open roads – my legs my means of transport.

Four miles there and four miles back – I often ran /walked, because sometimes when I emerged into the street later in the evening, the thought of the tube was almost more appealing – but I would walk up the road and then find myself trotting and then I was home…

To often meet Anadi ( the boyfriend/husband) for a drink in the pub next door

In this other life this time last year…

And because I often worked quite late, seeing clients in the evening, I was the last person in the building except for Andrés… A young man boy who was cleaning the offices and communal areas…

I would find him emptying bins, washing up all the used plates and cups that had been piled high – right underneath the polite notice that requested everything used be washed up.

Andrés was from Argentina and I soon discovered spoke only a very few words of English.

I looked forward to seeing Andrés before I left, I’d stay awhile and learn about him – and practise my Spanish too…

And then came that day at the end of March 2020 to collect my coffee machine – and head for home…

I didn’t know then that I wouldn’t go back to work there

That I would only return to collect my throws and my books

But I left Andrés a card of thanks anyway, and popped £10 inside

When I returned to collect the throws and books a couple of months later, the card was gone, and I found a piece of paper in its place

‘Gracias Julia’ 

Until I started to write today, I hadn’t  thought of Andrés since

He is gone

I am gone

Its like we never existed to the other

Everything goes

Nothing stays

Except our unchanging nature

From whence we were all born

And so each encounter, each experience is vital to our existence, to the meaning of our existence

To being human – on this spiritual journey – every encounter an opportunity to encounter love looking back at us from another human being.

And each encounter that might hold a sting in its tail, pain and heartbreak is a chance to see where we have cut that love off from inside us

And slowly and surely we can shed everything preventing us from experiencing who we truly are.

And so Andrés and I touched each others lives for just eight short weeks

My office was moved from Covent Garden to Piccadilly on January 26th and I left there on March 20th

But we saw ourselves in each other’s eyes and although I had completely forgotten about him until now

His soul and mine danced together briefly then and that energy stays forever 

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Dear Diary; I am where I am

Julia Chi Taylor - Bodhisattva Conversations

A new coffee shop has opened boasting delicious cakes and pastries, ginger shots lime and turmeric too – and of course amazing coffee – an artist for a barista drawing beautiful scenes on the top of our magical brews

It is situated right on the corner between my home and Anadi home and so we met to sit for half an hour in the midst of our working day – and chat and drink more coffee…

I had a blueberry and banana muffin to go with my brew – I’d brought along two big pashmina scarfs to keep us warm – and there we were…

The hum of the traffic our constant coffee shop background music was broken by the sudden shrill sound of an ambulance in a rush; a police car in front, navigated its way through the traffic and a red light – slowing the traffic for the ambulance to tear on through… 

‘I am a city girl now – in this now, that’s what I am’… I realised in that instant on a bench wrapped up, drinking coffee with my best friend, boyfriend, husband….

I had always thought I was a sea dweller… But it seems that the sound of traffic will do just as well as the sound of the crashing waves.

I am where I am. And it’s okay…

This phrase is a useful one always to remember to say wherever we are and whatever is going on in our world – if we are in the middle of a divorce or a redundancy or grieving over a loved one, or in the midst of a changed pandemic world…

To be able to stop and breathe in, and say those words, can help to process it all and allow us to come back to the very centre of our being where all is eternal 

Where the is no beginning and no end

No death, only life eternal 

And to be where we are

Here and Now.

I am where I am

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Dear Diary; Becoming…

On Saturday Anadi and I were on one of our long long wander walk about through the parks of London Town.

This is where we walk and talk (and run too ) – on the concrete paths and the springy, muddy, dry as a bone frosty grass – all weekend long… The skies alternate between bright blue, sunshine gleaming to heavy grey blue black, with the potential for rain to cascade

We join with the other people of the park who love to walk and talk and wander too – in this sparkling bright jewel of a land right in the middle of the capital City, with magnificent trees rising tall and strong and true to their own direction – roots spreading unseen mirroring their beautiful branches where the  parakeets swoop, ducks and geese and swans lend their opinion to the air…

Squirrels scampering

Free.

As we are meant to be…

And so we celebrated the elements and the expanse of grassy green parkland… We circled the animals and the birds, the ducks and geese and joined in with their dance of life…

Along tree lined paths we wandered and then we found ourselves beside the Serpentine Lake – the wide road and pathway was alive with other walkers, folk on skateboards, children on bikes…

And then the Birman appeared

He was walking very slowly and the birds were flying all about him, landing on his head and his shoulders – sometimes taking seeds from his hands.

His presence emanated ease, in his own world, his pace was so different to all the activity about him.

He looked to be in each step more zen; and the birds felt this too and flocked to him

Anadi and I watched him and his friends the birds.

He then walked to the waters’ edge and three herons immediately flew to him – he fed them sardines from a tin, using chop sticks to hand the fish to the birds

‘They know him’ I said ‘You can see that they know him’

As he moved back from the side of the lake I said to him ‘They know you’

‘Yes’, he said, ‘what started as an experiment has grown into a regular outing. And even when they migrate, they have recognised me when they come back’

‘Birds have great memories’ he continued, ‘the phrase” bird brain” is very maligned’

‘Do you live around here’… he then asked

‘Yes, Chelsea – we like walking about’… 

‘I like walking too’, he said … ‘I once walked from London to Brighton to buy a stick of Brighton rock’! 

We talked about his route, how long it too and the joy of just heading out and walking…

‘I once ran cross country from London to Brighton’, I offered… ‘It rained the whole day’!

Kindred spirits

We went on our way and as we glanced back the birds were gathering around him again

And on we went

The walking taking us were it would

Becoming walking