Category: Diary of a Bodhisattva

Look… 

Anadi pointed to a tree, rising magnificently, tall… Beside it, a smaller magnolia – flowers unfurling gloriously; trees with blossom, white and pink…  Green verdant grass, lush with spring promise stretching before us.

‘Look! – The green parrots are here too’.

We’d seen them in Richmond Park, and in Hyde Park; exotic creatures, bringing colour and fairytale magic to the land… But never before in Battersea Park…

And there they were, two green parrots. 

One flew upwards, and landed on a springy twiggy skinny branch…

‘Oooh, I’m not sure I’d trust that twig’ I said.

‘He’s got wings’ – Anadi replied. ‘He can fly’.

He’s free.

It reminded me of one of the favourite parts in the book ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull’

JSL is a tale about a Gull that is learning about life through flight… He’s learning how to perfect his flying skills, to evolve spiritually.

He’s learning about freedom.

There is a part where Jonathan is teaching another gull – Fletch Gull –  to fly…

Fletch says…

 ‘Are you saying I can fly’?… And Jonathan replies…  ‘I am saying you are free’.

We are all free, Our birthright is freedom…

Even when we land on a skinny branch that we fear won’t take our weight, and we don’t believe we have the wings to soar upwards if it breaks…

We do.

We do have wings that can take us upwards – always – that give us flight – even when the branch does break beneath our weight and all seems lost.

Within us we do have the inner resources.

The life journey can often seem far too hard….

But –  when things are the most hard, can be the time when we discover that we have inner strength we didn’t know was there, latent talents – and that we have the ability to develop new skills…

And so in this time, when the branch has broken beneath us – we discover how to unfurl our wings…. 

Which were there. all the time – waiting to open – to stretch wide and take us upwards…

We learn how to fly.

And discover that we are free.

Today is Easter Day!

The day of Jesus’ resurrection – evidence in the Christian Church that there is no death; life is eternal… Life everlasting

In every moment there is re birth.

In every moment there is the chance of the resurrection; of renewal; of re birth.

New life.

Every spiritual teaching tells us this is so…

As humans on planet earth – we have an opportunity to experience this.

I have always loved Easter time, and not just because of my ritual of a cream egg every day during the celebrations!

Bought from the sweet shop near the bus stop, and relished waiting for the bus after school when I was fourteen, and now the grand finale of my working day!

I was sitting on my step one day this week, enjoying my ‘end of the day’ cream egg in the sunshine, when my landlady Kate appeared…I shared with her my daily ritual… “Everyone else  has stocked up on things like tins of chickpeas’, she laughed… ‘And Julia has a box of Cadbury’s cream eggs…’ 

I also love the symbol of the Cross… 

The horizontal line demonstrating the past moving to the present and into the future; and the vertical line going straight through the present and representing the transcendence over the illusion of past and future.

Bringing us to the absolute moment… 

The present.

Learning to be present in every moment creates every possibility for fully living imaginable.

Journeying through life in a body, in this paradigm, we live in the illusion of separation and the illusion of time.

This experience  gives us the opportunity to feel, to heal – to see ourselves reflected in the mirror of others…

And the experience of linear time – with a past and future – reminds us to stay in each moment.

Moment by moment – minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day…

In this space we discover that it becomes possible to heal the past and to create a different future.

It takes presence

Our presence 

In the present moment.

Today is a sunny bright beautiful Saturday morning…

it’s Easter weekend… But things are different to last year and the year before and the year before that…

Many emotions and feelings that have always been there – acting out in what we knew as ‘normal life’ – have been magnified by the experience of Global unrest in the form of Covid 19…

And there is a lot of fear…

Fear can immobilise us, and take our freedom – our flow.

Fear of illness, fear of passing illness on…

Fear of being wrong; of being wronged

Fear of death…

The greatest fear of most human beings is that of dying… Of dying to the self.

When we identify with our ‘identity’ – our name, our job, our position in society; our body – our mind…

When we forget that we are infinite awareness 

When we forget that we are spiritual beings on a human journey…

We forget that there is no death…

We forget that we are here to experience an incarnation – and that in this incarnation we have the ability to change the programmes that were ‘set up’ in our early years – from the conditioning of our childhood…

As children we needed to survive; and so that is why we adapted… If we sensed disapproval for a behaviour – a way of being; to survive with these adults who were caring for us – we found ways to adapt…

In not being fully accepted, by people who didn’t fully accept themselves…

We lost our true selves…

We forgot who we are.

And then in forgetting, or not even knowing who we are – we live life out of that script – that conditioning; which holds so many patterns and beliefs and ideas – playing out over and over…

Recurrent situations, relationship cycles, weight and health and illness patterns…

Round and round they go – different scenes, different acts, with different people playing the parts – but the same stories again and again…

Until we remember that we are born of consciousness…

We are born of infinite love

We are infinite love.

When we remember this

Our life can truly begin

Because we discover that if in every moment, when we stay present, we can make a choice in that moment to shift the habits and patterns that have kept us locked in the cycles – and in fear…

Of disapproval, of illness, of lack of love, of not surviving. 

Of not knowing who we are.

When we let go of the habits and patterns 

And we let go of the fear

And live in each moment – new possibilities open.

In remembering that this body will die; this incarnation will end..

But that there is no death.

In remembering who we are

And dying to the created self…

We set ourselves free

To fully live

I ran one of my favourite interval sessions today – Three minutes fast then two minutes jogging – repeated ten times.

As I raced along the road towards the – now very sparkly clean and fresh – River Thames, I saw a woman standing on the pavement in front of her house… 

She stretched out her hand as I approached.

It is common practise when I am running in races to have this happen… Outstretched hands that reach out to be touched.

Connection on the move.

In the park too when I am training… Children wave, and put their hands in my path, and we make a connection… Touch – skin on skin.

Human contact.

Because I was running fast – ‘in the zone’ – in the step… I wasn’t in the world of Covid 19.

I was just running – free… Running towards another human being, whose hand was outstretched  – to me – it seemed.

As I approached (fortunately) I heard her calling out… ’Two meters two meters’!

And so I ran on by, not touching her outstretched hand.

We yearn for touch, to be held, to know we are loved, and not alone…

We yearn to be together. Friends, colleagues, families…

We yearn to fill the pain of loneliness, and to connect through hugging and holding, sitting close, mingling in crowds.

We squish together at gigs and sporting events; we even travel this way on tubes.

We are familiar with the smell and warmth of other humans…

And so often, we avoid the pain of feeling lonely.

But now that we have been separated, many people are feeling the absence of others…

They are feeling lonely… 

When we feel the pain of separation, when we grieve the loss of the physical presence of friends and loved ones… 

We have the opportunity to be truly silent.

To clear this deep pain and yearning – this loneliness – this emptiness within.

.And so to be fully present within our self.

And instead of feeling the absence of others, when we are truly present within our self, there is no need for another to fill the void.

In alone ness we find we are whole.

We become a light unto ourselves.

And  when we all shine our own light

Together we are so bright, that our powerful energy can heal the world

We know deep inside which way we need to go, we all know our own truth.

We know what resonates and what does not.

The more we clear in every moment the reactivities that come from the vibrations of fear and pain, frustration and anger, guilt and shame and blame…The more we clear our childhood hurts, the more we know our truth…

‘Show we my truth, I don’t mind how it comes’ has been my mantra always…

We must make no one else our authority…

Of course read and internalise, be curious, listen to others…

It’s how we learn and grow.

But we are our own authority

We know the truth within us.

We know this through committing to staying in our centre at all times, we do this by clearing in every moment whatever arises, so that we are in the present moment…

Being present, here and now is all there is…

None of what we are being told in the press at the moment, is making any sense to me, I have never been one to take what authority says at face value…

As a child I always questioned ‘Why’? 

And, ‘because I say so’ ‘because its for your own good’ –  and ‘just because…’ never cut it for me!

And so I investigated always.

I went down the path less travelled.

I investigated my own ‘why’s’…

And I have been doing the same now…

None of these lock down restrictions, social distancing etc etc were making sense to me…

And so I have been investigating.

There are many many stories easily accessible – away from the main stream media – that paint a very different picture about what is really going on…

Is this an opportunity for global economic control?

Do these death figures really add up?

Is this virus any different to the normal flu virus, which kills thousands each year, particularly those in more vulnerable health?

Are the tests reliable ?

Is this a chance to roll out 5G which is allegedly very dangerous?

Is it the 5G that’s making people ill?

Is 5G safe for the body? There are other documents ‘out there’ that write it is

Is this a chance to vaccinate and chip us all and gain more control?

Is this an opportunity to gradually ‘wire us all up’ to Artificial intelligence?

Of course I don’t know what  the truth is ‘out there’…

But I do always question everything that I am told and everything I read…

It is very easy to manipulate people when they are afraid and in survival mode…

And I do know the truth within me.

I do know that whatever is ‘going on’ … Mainstream press stories or what is described as ‘conspiracy stories’…

I do know this…

Infinite love is the only truth there is.

This vibration heals us and the world.

It is the only energy that does this, and we do this by staying present in any given moment.

Staying completely here and connecting to who we truly are.

Infinite awareness

Consciousness

Spiritual beings on a human journey.

Today I hosted my first ever Satsang.

It was such a joy, such fun to see everyone gather.

It was online – Josie had asked me if I would do one, a gentle encouragement in a WhatsApp message.

I said yes, knowing that once I had committed, both feet in, then I would do it…

It is how my life has always been…

‘Yes’, I say, to some new plan, a new idea, a new adventure…

Which way will I go next?

‘Yes’, I say to something…

Let’s shed all our possessions 

Yes

Lets travel around world

Yes

Lets run barefoot across Spain

Yes 

Lets do a Satsang on line

Yes

And so it came to pass…

That me and 25 others gathered together – we zoomed in from all different parts of the country, the globe…

Jess my niece in Japan zoomed in too, what a delightful surprise that was…

And so we gathered together – to be together – to work together – to raise our vibration of love and so let it shine in the world.

https://youtu.be/FXWrpNWA0Ds

Love is the only truth

Eternal love

Infinite love

Everything else an illusion.

We make a difference in the world by sharing our love

By being love 

We are awareness, pure awareness – pure consciousness – experiencing a brief period here.

The human journey is but a flash, a flash in the vastness of our eternal nature…

If we remember at all times that we are pure awareness: if we remember that love is all there is and anything else at all is but an illusion – we will not feel fear.

And, we would not be available to be controlled or manipulated or herded like sheep.

But

When we identify with who we think we are: our name, our identity our job our beliefs our culture… When we identify with our ego, then we are putty in the hands of anyone who wants to threaten our survival…

But 

When we know we are consciousness, then there is no fear…

For there is no death.

There is no fight for survival, there is only an awareness of love and infinite space. 

The only requirement of the spiritual warrior of light, is that they stay centred at all times.

That they settle any inner wobble immediately and return to the moment.

Totality

There is only now, this moment, and we must live it fully.

There never were any gyms, restaurants cafes – they never existed.

Not in this moment.

Now… Which is all there is…

Our experience is a reflection of our inner state, and when we identify with our identity rather than with consciousness – then we are available for manipulations, and susceptible to act from fear and panic rather than from truth and pure love.

And

Safety is within us….

The only safety is the silence within

Our eternal nature – which is always still, it is always quiet and it is always silent.

Pure love…

This is what will heal the world.

The other day, I remembered that when I originally started running about without my shoes on I thought that it would be fun to run along beaches all over the world in bare feet…

I even announced that this was what I would be doing; and that I would be vlogging and blogging about it!

But that didn’t happen at all!

Instead – I ran across Spain… 

How ever did that happen?

I used to say to anyone that asked me – and they often asked with slight or extreme incredulity –  that my feet made the decision, that it was nothing to do with me.

In many ways this was true… 

When we learn to be still, to silence the mind and remain in that silent space, moment by moment… Then life unfolds from that space.

It rolls out in front of us, from the inside out.

The mind has the potential to be incredibly creative when we are silent and we learn to be its master and not the other way round…

But when we have forgotten our silence, and instead have let the noisy mind take over our lives… It plans and thinks relentlessly… It analyses and worries and goes over and over things – it creates and re creates stories

It’s what the mind does.

And so to be silent takes lots of practice, and more practice.

To become the master of the mind, and simply to use it from the silence, to create from silence rather than fear…

To breathe in and find the silence in the breath, to stay there and know that this is the essence of us; who we truly are.

We are all born from the silence 

It is the essence of every one of us.

To breathe out and find the silence at the bottom of the breath.

And then all manner of things unfold that we might never have previously thought…

One minute I was a nomad, owning nothing more than I could carry in my hand luggage; the next I am living in a flat in Chelsea and working from an office in Piccadilly…

I still don’t own much..

More books..

I own more books, but not much else. 

And I sometimes wonder what plans my feet may have… 

From the silence within…

Treading paths once trodden – the story of our lives within our life…

Returning to places we have lived in, visited, loved before. The same place, but perhaps we are with different people now – or with the same people who now also carry the experience of the years gone, in their being…

And a long time ago, we were all a different version of ourselves – living, breathing, eating sleeping, laughing, crying – getting up with the sun, and going to bed after a day – lived as well as we could.

Each day we live it as well as we can.

Every day of our life we could not have done the day different – or we would have.

When mistakes are made and things go awry, we might cry… ‘If only…’

But it could not have been any other way; or it would have been.

All change comes from within… ‘So within, so without…’

This weekend Anadi and I spent a fabulous wedding anniversary weekend away… I have a tendency to extend celebrations!
A musical last Saturday – Tea at the Ritz on Monday – and a grand finale of a weekend away…

We stayed in a hotel that I last visited twenty four years ago, when I was a different me.

While Anadi and I were there, I had occasional flashes of the layout, brief recognitions in nooks and corners of the building – the feel of the place – and a sense of time everlasting; but only now, in this moment; having passed in a way that almost feels that my past life never happened.

It is but a memory like a book I read a long time ago, a film I saw… Not really anything to do with the person I am now.

All change comes from shifting the energy that is blocked, stuck, hurt, vibrating with low frequency – from within us…

When we witness that we are stuck in any cycles and patterns that don’t serve us – only when we notice this, and commit to shift it from within – do we find that the cycles cease and something else happens…

Often in the same place, even with the same people…

But everything is different.

Outside he sits each day…

I run past  him on my homeward bound commute – I see his notice written on a scrap of cardboard, ‘I’m hungry’ it reads… 

Even in this increasingly cashless world we now inhabit, he seems to get some change…

Now and then… From me too, now and then…

The doorman stands on his step, guarding the entrance to the sumptuous interior of the Ritz Hotel…

A glorious calm, perfectly created beauty, long smooth pillars – expansive tall and graceful flowers, lilies -pink and white – shiny huge mirrors, soft carpets – elegant guests arriving to take afternoon tea…

The soft sound of a piano  plays songs we know, recognise, reminding us of times in our lives gone by…

Anadi and I were very hungry;  a hunger created by not eating much in the day – not born of not having any food.

The yin and yang; this universe in perfect balance of dark and light, sadness and joy, love and hate

Famine and plenty…

And so what must be done?

Know both the dark and the light, the sadness and joy, the love – the hate.

Feel it, know it, clear it 

And so experience the place beyond this duality.

The silence.

This place beyond the famine and the plenty.

We change the world by being conscious…

We change the world by being present; by living in each moment and fully experiencing every single one of them.

Fully, not hiding from ourselves.

We do not know the path another treads…

I know not the way of the man who sits each day outside the Ritz.

He knows not mine who yesterday sat within the Ritz to celebrate six wonderful years of marriage to Anadi…

We know not our karma, what connects he and I,  who each day tread this same street together in this time called 2020…

When might our paths have crossed before?

We all have the opportunity to know who we truly are; if we stop and live each moment; experience every single thing within us; take full responsibility – and ultimately go beyond the duality of the mind…

Who knows which path is harder to discover the truth; those who have plenty or those who do not…?

Who knows what pain each might feel, and know ?

Who knows which path might lead to growth?

Or neither for now…. 

We all have the opportunity to know who we truly are; if we stop and live each moment and go beyond the duality of the mind…

When we know both the dark and the light; and find our way to the silence within…

Then our true light can shine for all the world to see.